How The Arrival Fallacy Theory Can Help You In Your Style Journey
3 reasons why finding your personal style is a lifelong journey
I recently heard about the “arrival fallacy” theory while reading about the goals we set for ourselves. The dream home, the dream job, the target body weight, or in some cases, the dream wardrobe we envision for ourselves.
The theory is based on the false assumption that if we reach a certain goal, we will automatically be happier and be more satisfied with our lives.
But as most of us may have experienced at one point in our lives, it is usually not the fancy things or the promotions or what we can show to others that signal we have finally “made it” that ultimately makes us happier.
It’s why when it comes to our style, we may get that instant dopamine hit from finally buying or owning that one thing we are obsessing over, only to feel like something is missing just a few months, or even days, down the road.
It’s ok to want and buy that dream bag if it speaks to you, but it’s the belief that the item will unlock that feeling of the “finally!” you are longing for that can lead to frustration. I’ve experienced this many times in my own style journey. I would save up for my dream bag and think “I won’t need anymore bags after I buy this one!”, only to find that by the time I was ready to purchase it, my expectations and preferences changed. It doesn’t mean that buying the things on our wish list won’t be put to good use in our wardrobe, it just means our desires and wish lists are moving goal posts that can ebb and flow based on new influences, perspectives and decisions we encounter on the way to our goal.
Happiness isn’t about arriving to a final destination, its all about direction and progress…its about the journey and what it can teach us about ourselves.
By removing the pressure to “arrive” at our perfect style or create our forever wardrobe, we can just be in the moment and start to enjoy the actual journey of discovery - playing, iterating and evolving how we want to express ourselves through our clothes.
Here’s 3 reasons why our cultivating our personal style is a lifelong journey (and why thats a good thing!):
Self-Discovery takes time
We constantly evolve as individuals, so why shouldn’t our personal style?
Style is all about HOW we choose to express ourselves at any given moment through our styling choices. It’s a series of little self-expressions that tell the story of who we are, how we want to feel and how we want to represent ourselves visually. This is why if you haven’t updated your wardrobe in a long time, you may feel like its impossible to put together an outfit that brings you joy as your wardrobe reflects an “old” version of you…but it is also the reason why something you have owned for years can still resonate with you and spark new ideas even if you haven’t worn it in 5-10 years.
The fashion trend cycles are on hyper speed right now - brands make money by achieving speed to market with constant drops in order to keep up with the demand and exposure of their products being pushed by influencers and social media. By taking the time to get clear on our values, our desires and what we like vs dislike in order to understand the WHY behind our style choices and purchasing decisions, we can remove the noise and slowly start to shift our mindset from being an avid consumer to one of an intentional observer. When you get clear on your “why”, you won’t feel the need to adopt every trend and you can choose to intentionally consume newness when and where it makes sense for you on your journey.
Helpful Action Tip:
If you aren’t clear on your “why”, a wardrobe edit is a great place to start! Spend a bit of time with all of your go-to favorite pieces you love and the ones you don’t. What do you like or dislike about each item? Is it the color, the fabric, the texture, the fit?
How do the items make you feel? Maybe you notice that all your jackets are drop shoulder and they make you feel sloppy or messy when you are actually craving to feel more polished (add a clean set-in jacket to your wardrobe wish list!) Maybe you always gravitate towards feminine silky pieces that you always love on others but you don’t feel excited or happy when actually wearing them (This could be a classic “love but never wear” piece so let this be a gentle reminder to pause before buying the next version you see on a social post!).
Learning is a lifelong process
The key to unlocking your personal style is consistency by way of repetition. Taking stock of your wardrobe and having fun styling in new and different ways until you find what speaks to you. It’s trial and error and a process of elimination. Its the way you push up your sleeves in an outfit that helps you feel more relaxed, or the accessory you add to an outfit that makes you feel happy and more like you. Be ok to “fail” because that means you are one step closer to finding what your style means for you!
Helpful Action Tip:
Tap into your inner child! My childhood was filled with days playing dress up in my grandmothers closet. I would try all kinds of crazy combinations on and check out how I liked it in the mirror, or proudly put on a fashion show for my unamused family. I wasn’t looking for approval or opinions, I was just going with my own inner creative gut. I truly believe developing our personal style is a form of self-care so light a candle, grab some snacks and put on your favorite show in the background and get to playing! There’s no right or wrong way. My only request is that you take photos of any outfits that bring a smile to your face or spark some curiosity inside you! Sometimes you are your greatest inspiration.
Curating your personal style is a marathon, not a sprint
Your style is a way to express who you are as a person. These things usually can’t be found through a social media feed or be purchased in one season. Take the time to find what interests you and see what speaks to you (books, travel, hobbies, nostalgia) and allow that to help curate parts of your personal style POV over time!
An example of a slower curation I have practiced for my own personal style: I started to buy jewelry as a memento when I travel. They are a small and affordable accessory I can buy and easily pack and they hold a story and memory of a place. They can’t be found on an affiliate link (yet!) or be easily replicated and I look forward to the art of discovery when I find something that speaks to me whether its at a flea market or stopping by a roadside vendor or visiting a local designer. It takes longer to create my collection but its become something I look forward to!
Helpful Action Tip: If you feel you are constantly impulse shopping or are constantly reinventing your style each season, try creating a wish list.
I like to just create a list in my iphone notes with the brand, link and style name or image
I start it at the beginning of the season so that I’m clear on what I like before anyone or any sale can influence me
Throughout the season, I continue to add and edit. It’s amazing how by just adding to a list and waiting 24-48 hours before purchasing, the nagging feeling of “need to purchase ASAP” completely dissipates! Some things I completely just remove from my list within days, other things I swap out as I find something that feels closer to what I am searching for from a fit/quality/price perspective and others I have on my list season after season and they become an elusive piece over time that I happily discover on TRR years later.
Developing your personal style is a muscle that strengthens over time. If you haven’t practiced this muscle in some time, don’t worry! It takes time and practice but enjoy the process and you will be just fine. When we learn how to match our outer reflection with who we are on the inside and enjoy the journey, it eliminates the “noise” and enables us to feel more confident in making our outfit choices, making getting dressed easy and fun again! 🫶
Hope something here resonates with you and helps you on your style journey!
xx
Angie