Style Tips No One Talks About But Actually Helps
how to shift from a consumer to an observer mindset
Hi Readers,
One of my goals as a stylist is to help my clients (and you!) maximize their wardrobes — styling pieces in new ways, filling in the gaps so you can create a range of new options with just one piece, and troubleshooting outfits so that they become something you always want to wear vs never want to reach for.
My other goal is to help you become more intentional with your style — not just what you wear and how, but the way you shop, how you consume, and how you look at your wardrobe as it relates back to you.
Whenever I work with a new client, I ask them to answer some questions in advance so I can get to understand them a bit more. I almost always get answers related to something along these lines:
“I’m finding myself buying a lot of influencer links but not wearing any of it”
“I keep shopping but I don’t know if what I’m buying actually works for me”
“I don’t know what looks trendy anymore…I don’t even want to look trendy but I want to feel relevant!”
I’ve been there. The pattern of scrolling>shopping>returning (or just keeping things because they are “good enough”) or editing out>repeat.
The thing is, most of my clients are great at shopping. What they are missing is a strategy!
One of the best things I did for my own personal style was to shift from being a consumer to an intentional observer.
We hear the word “intentional” a lot but how does one actually go from a consumer mindset to an intentional one?
A consumer thinks in terms of “I like this” or “I want that” and just buys it.
An observer stops and thinks “Why do I like this?” and applies it to the context of who they are and the life they live.
The difference between the two types = Intention!
So here are 10 tips that have helped me make the shift and the same tools and guidance I continue to share with my clients.
#1 - Hone Your Eye (POV)
The best thing we can do for our style is to develop a strong point-of-view (POV).
And one of the best ways to develop this isn’t even related to style.
Go outside, flip through old magazines, look at architecture and interiors, pick up a fun hobby, people watch, do a culture day where you go to a museum or a bookstore or show. Do something that inspires you!
It not only helps to shape what catches your eye but it expands you as a person outside of just your style. This cultivates different perspectives and helps shape ideas, color stories, and textures that can create a through line within your sense of style.
Our style is woven together by our lived experiences, our values, and the stories that hold meaning.
Good style is a reflection of a life well-lived.
Tip: From a style perspective, one of the best places to hone your eye is a secondhand shop. Not like a cutesy or artsy curated one but like a Goodwill or local thrift store. It’s one of the few places we have that aren’t controlled by an algorithm. You have to do the work of sifting through a lot of things to get to something that catches your eye. It’s such a great way to understand what you are drawn to without any other influence but your own.
#2 - Set up a personal filter
As above, a POV (point-of-view) is the strongest asset you can have for your style and your wardrobe. And the reason for that is that it grounds your reasoning back to you as a person.
It’s not about the ego-driven aspect of what others think of you, or how you want others to think of you. It’s about the authentic one - how you want to feel and who you want to be on a deep inner level.
When clients say that they aren’t getting results buying influencer links, it’s not actually an influencer or an affiliate link problem. It’s a filtering problem.
Tip: When you are thinking about buying something, ask yourself:
“Do I like this because this person is wearing it and they look good, or do I like it for me?”
“Do I like this because it reflects my style or do I like it because of what it represents?”
Sometimes you don’t actually want the item itself. You want the feeling of what it represents or of belonging to the world around it.
#3 - Clarity Is Through The Work
If you aren’t getting what you want out of your outfits, the first instinct may be to shop.
I always go back to food analogies so let’s say you are trying out a new recipe and you need a certain flavor like acid.
The recipe calls for apple cider vinegar but you don’t have any so you go out and buy it. But you could also mix in some lemon or use another type of vinegar to create that acidity in your dish. It may not taste right the first time and you may have to go through some trial and error but I’m positive you can find a ratio that works.
The same goes for our style.
If your outfit isn’t landing or you aren’t getting what you want out of your outfit, try to figure out why.
The way to clarity isn’t about going around the problem (ie: shopping)— it’s about going through it.
Tip: Next time an outfit isn’t working, or you can’t find anything to wear, take a moment to think about why the outfit isn’t working or why you can’t figure out what to wear. What’s the missing element and how can you creatively tap into that in other ways? Maybe you are missing a structured jacket but structure can come from a sharp shoe or a defined angled bag. Play around with different combinations so you can better articulate what feels missing and identify if it’s truly a gap or just a feeling you haven’t been able to create.
#4 - “Confront The Clothes”
This is referencing one of my all-time favorite Vogue videos with Greta Lee…
Basically, confronting the clothes means to just stand in front of something and face the things you may be unintentionally avoiding —
The clothes with tags still on, the ones that represent an old version of you, the things that were gifted that you feel bad donating, the pieces you bought in a size smaller than you should have because you thought you’d lose weight by now.
When we are opening our wardrobes each morning, it can be so easy to flip right through these pieces because they are ones you don’t want to confront and the ones you would “never reach for” anyway.
They may represent the regrettable purchases (which btw, I don’t like to think of it this way…I think of it as a learning!), sunken costs, the past versions of self that we’ve outgrown, or the pieces that put someone else’s feelings first before our own.
In talking with many clients though, these types of items can actually represent a good chunk of our wardrobes so by quickly rushing past them each day, it’s actually what’s leading to that “nothing to wear” feeling and the sense that your closet has a lot of distracting noise.
Tip: Be like Greta and confront the clothes! We are here to dress for the highest version of yourself! Set aside some time and just do a scan and grab of any pieces that you don’t reach for anymore. Be honest with yourself if you actually like it and would wear it tomorrow. Don’t just think about it - try it on. If it doesn’t feel good, let it go. If you have a tough time letting things go, share a silent “thank you” to each of these pieces because they did support you at one point in your life and it’s ok if that isn’t the case anymore.
#5 - Be Intentional But Don’t Strip The Joy Out
Does this sound like you?
You have been consuming a lot lately so you do a no-buy goal for the year but then only last 3 months before you “accidentally” do a haul.
You want to be more intentional so you over analyze every purchase decision. In order to purchase anything, it needs to go through a 10-step decision tree and then in the end, you don’t even know if what you made was a good purchase, or you are so exhausted by your own process that cultivating your style no longer feels fun.
With both scenarios, the pendulum feels like it swung too far.
I also have a series of questions I ask myself when making a purchasing decision but also, if I fall in love with a bag, I’m going to buy it.
Do I need another bag? No.
Do I love it and does it help communicate my style in the way I want? Yes!
Being intentional doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes. And making mistakes doesn’t mean you don’t have your style/wardrobe shit together. I’ve been working on my style and my wardrobe for decades and I still make mistakes all the time!
Don’t think of “bad” purchases as mistakes - think of it as a learning and move on!
I kind of think of it like going on a diet. You overhaul your fridge and pantry, read all the healthy eating resources, and create an ambitious nutrition + workout plan.
However, if you restrict yourself too much and don’t give yourself any wiggle room, you get bored, un-inspired, and what should have been a cheat meal becomes a cheat weekend (or week).
Tip: Regardless of how big your goals are, it’s good to have some balance. Remember that style and shopping aren’t that serious and it should bring you joy!
#6 - Trends Are Only Trendy If You Allow Them To Be
In the same way we have filters and our own thought process behind determining which trends are right for us to buy into to, we can use the same filters when it comes to editing our wardrobes.
A lot of my clients ask me “Is this still trendy?” when I help edit their closets but rather than thinking through the lens of what’s in vs what’s out, I actually find it’s more helpful to edit through the lens of what we still love that resonates and works for our life vs what does not.
I shared this client BTS on my IG stories and got a lot of comments so I’m sharing it here in case it helps others.
This client had a really great example of two pairs of shoes that would be considered “trendy”:
First pair were these old Alexander Wang stud slides (I feel like this was the IYKYK shoe for the fashion girlies pre-Instagram era! The signature stud that became popular again thanks to Khaite). She loves them and they still feel like her ten years later so it was never even a question of whether they are still in or not.
And the best thing about continuing to wear pieces that other people have moved on from is that the item becomes almost singular to you. It becomes part of your unique style story and it’s not easily replicated because it’s no longer an item actively circulating around the retail landscape.
On the flip side, she also had these Gucci shoes. I wouldn’t necessarily say one is more trendy than the other but these are definitely more iconic and well-known.
She said she doesn’t really wear them because they were too obvious which means that they probably were too much of a trend for her own style to begin with. I think the same would be the case if they didn’t have the fur. So it was a clear yes to edit because it didn’t resonate with her the way the stud slides did and when we styled them, it just felt off to her.
Another visual example:
#7 - Know What Itch You’re Scratching
Maybe you don’t have the budget to buy fewer but higher quality pieces. Or, you do but there are also other priorities you have within your wardrobe so you look for alternatives to scratch the itch.
Through one of our sessions, I found that one of my clients loved this Khaite shoe:
She has quite minimal style so she said she felt silly buying it for so much because it felt trendy so she showed me 3 alternatives she purchased instead that she thought could work.
All way less expensive but they also weren’t scratching the itch.
One wasn’t great quality so she wasn’t wearing them
One had embellishment but a completely different vibe (grommets)
One was a sandal that had studs but they were really subtle and the sandal didn’t offer the same refinement when it came to certain outfits
3 “good enough” purchases that weren’t doing anything for her vs 1 purchase that would have been exactly what she wanted.
Pointing back to tip #6, it’s only trendy if you are just casually interested in it. My client was interested in the idea enough that over time she purchased three different options to scratch the itch. Yes, she has minimal style so this idea would be a bolder statement for her but it was also exactly what she needed in her outfits to create the vibe she wanted.
Tip: You don’t always need to buy the more expensive version but if you try to scratch the itch, make sure it’s the right itch!
This is partly a practical + a vibe test: Is it practical (is it comfortable, worth the price, works with my favorite pieces) + is it meeting the vibe (do I love it when I put it on, is it creating the edge/tension/femininity xyz that I am craving).
If it’s not 100% yes, pass and wait for one that does.
#8 - Motivation Is Unreliable, Structure Is Not (also, try on the outfits!)
This is a two-part tip. When working with clients in styling sessions, we usually address two things:
Their lives are busy so the easiest outfit to put on is the outfit they always wear. And because it becomes routine, it can feel hard to break through the autopilot of getting dressed.
None of us feel motivated everyday and that’s ok. You just need to build in some structure by creating a foolproof “getting dressed” plan to reduce the friction: easy outfit formulas, investing in staples you feel great in, or having a saved album of reference photos to inspire you.
Having a plan that works for you and your lifestyle can carry you on your laziest or busiest days.
It’s almost guaranteed that we’ll uncover a few pieces that still have the tags still on.
Sometimes it’s a piece that they just purchased but don’t know how to wear. Other times, it’s something in their closet that catches my eye because it feels so easy and I’ll style with it and they will be like “omg, I still have the tags still on…I’ve owned this for years and literally never worn it!”.
There’s a simple fix for this - you just need to create some outfits!
One of my clients had a new plaid shirt that she got from one of my newsletters but hadn’t worn yet because she wasn’t sure how to style it. We created 8 looks around it and she ripped off the tags in the middle of our session saying “I don’t need to keep the tags on because I will definitely wear this now!”.
I want you all to feel this excited to rip the tags off new purchases!
In her head, she was getting stuck at step 1 which is figuring out how to wear it so we just created a bit of structure: some easy outfit formulas she could mix-n-match and photos she could reference back to for days she needed motivation.
Tip: With new purchases, think about 3-4 outfits you can create with the item using what you already have. Bonus points if you try the item on at home and actually create the outfits! A lot of times, we think an item will work in our heads but then realize too late that we don’t really like the outfits. Or, we just buy without a plan and then relegate the item to the back of our closets because we don’t know how to wear them.
#9 - Don’t Be Lazy!
Another thing about the clothes with the tags still on - we are too old to be missing return windows!!
It’s actually probably not that you are lazy but you are lacking some structure and a plan.
You have purchases opened in your bedroom, in your closet, by the front door, in the back of the car. Like any habit, make the action easy so it just becomes part of your routine.
Tip: Have an easy-to-execute plan. Mine is that I keep a dedicated section by the front of the house where packages go. If I have something I need to return, or that I’m even thinking about returning, it stays there so at the end of a given week or month, I know what needs deciding on. Everything is in one spot so I can quickly process the returns online, pack them up, and bring them out to the car.
#10 - Care Is An Investment
Something that actually creates a long last wardrobe?
Taking care of our clothes!
If you don’t treat it with intention, you won’t be intentional.
A pilly sweater isn’t old - it just needs to be refreshed.
Delicate garments can last longer if you steam them in-between wear.
The life of a shoe gets extended if you add protective soles when you first purchase them, or resole them.
Tip: Similar to returns, I like to have a basket or a place to put anything that needs my attention and tackle it in one-go on a regular cadence (dry cleaning, resoling, repairs, alterations) because I know once it goes into my closet, I’m forgetting about it.
What are some of your wardrobe and style tips that have helped you become a more intentional observer? Let me know in the comments!
See you here next Tuesday!
xx,
Angie
I have found your advice of playing with my clothes and trying to make outfits so incredibly useful. I go into an office in the morning and when i come home at lunch before i change into my more comfortable clothes I spend 15-20 minutes playing around with the clothes in my closet. Sometimes it is to make an outfit for something that is coming up or it is to try recreating some looks in my outfit inspo folder or it is to try incorporating something I’ve just bought into my outfit screenshots. I find that since i have my makeup and hair done for work this is a great time to practice since i look and feel good and can get a more finished feel for the outfits. It’s been great to find new winners!
Yesss, great tips Angie. I took away so much from our session and now wear that shirt 2 times a week, haha! I also realized why I find so much inspiration when you share insights into working with your clients - the looks are not Pinterest perfect or specifically curated for Instagram but actual women living actual lives. Similar to your tip on creating a style POV based on real life. It’s refreshing and why I keep coming back to your page for inspiration. Thank you!